preparing for trial is no fun

it takes hours to prepare your stuff. gather it all together. see if it can appear logical...cant help but wonder why someone would want to do this for a living?! lol!
im looking forward to seeing a few friends and family. Mann I hate dragging them into this stuff. it makes me so sad to know i am the cause of scheduling complications in their lives. it makes me mad that an ex-boyfriend, with issues, can be the cause of so much drama.

Pregnancy caused my life to take a drastic turn, dealing with Mr. XXX turned my life upside down and the court has shaken it, causing anything left in it to fall out. I am not the same person I was 8 years ago. I am less trusting, less tolerant, less patient, less proactive, more poor, more stressed, more skeptical.

Letter to President Obama

July 9, 2009

Dear President Obama

I have a request for assistance and intervention in a legal matter. I am a single mom of color. I am a proud single mom, who is struggling to maintain my constitutional rights in the family court system.

1. Roe vs. Wade gave me the right, as an American, to choose if I will have a child or abort the child. I believe it is unjust to be forced to share the child with the father whom I do not trust. Why should my rights to make decisions for my child change when she is born? Why should a mother lose her rights to her child? Through the eyes of the family court, It is as though it is illegal to want to be a single parent.

2. Before the child was born her father threatened many things including his intent to enforce his rights to her upon her birth. As a result, by his request, for two years my 14th amendment rights to travel within the United States were constrained by orders of the family court. And recently I was incarcerated for refusing to allow my child to stay overnight with her father due to the need to apply medication to her vaginal area.

3. I cannot afford legal representation. However, I am ordered to appear in court, two states away, time and time again. Since my income is minimal, why can’t I be assigned an attorney or public defender? In the family court system, in such a complicated case, if I were married to the other party, he would be ordered to cover my legal expenses; as he is the wealthier party. However this does not apply to unmarried parties.
Because I decided to have my child, as a single parent, my life has been turned inside out by the father of the child, whom I dated for two months via the family courts. The father of my child has spent over $200,000 in legal fees, fighting for custody of our child, and control over my life and that of my daughters.

Currently, I possess full physical and legal custody of my daughter. Her father has motioned the court for a change in custody. I need assistance and request your intervention to help level the playing field. I am self-represented an overwhelmed by the magnitude of what is before me. I simply cannot match the legal knowledge of his experienced legal counsel.

My daughter is important to me. My freedom and my sanity are equally important to me. I don’t feel I have anywhere else to turn. Our trial is scheduled for August 3rd 2009 in Department 72 of Santa Clara Superior Court.

Thank you for your attention to this matter. I anticipate your timely reply.
Sincerely,

Preparing for jail time

In May of 2009 I have to fly to California to spend 48 hrs in jail. Trying to be optimistic... no phone, no lap-top, no door bell ringing, it may be more like a vacation. I spoke with my doctor to try to simplify my medication schedule in preparation for my sentencing. I asked my friend if she would come to visit me during my stay, half sarcastically, she did not answer. She simply continued down her verbal rage about how silly, evil and crazy the situation was. I think she is trying to be supportive, while trying to handle her own share of drama.

My daughter is excited to visit with her father. The judge issued a gag order so he is not allowed to brag about it, or discuss it with her. Some kind of father, who would work so hard to put his daughters father in jail. His resentfulness towards me will not cease. I have a feeling I will have to add regular visits to the jail to my life expectations. because i do not plan to stop protecting my daughter. I have thought about what the judge said at the conclusion of the hearing. One of his comments was that no medical records were presented to him do illustrate that the child was sick, leading to the conclusion the child must not have been sick. I find that comment interesting b/c when i asked if they would be needed I was told no. (that sucks) i wonder if i can send the medical records that he now claims he need to see. But, I don't know how to do that.

Over the last 8 years I have learned that the court system is not designed for laymen, everyday, half-way educated people to handle on their own. If you have a life, a job, and responsibilities outside of court, You can simply expect to loose! The party that can afford an attorney to represent them, research the laws, write declarations, calendar hearings with the court, revise declarations, advise you on your rights is the party who is more likely to prevail. Because the unrepresented party has to find a way to do all of this on their own, on top of everything else they already handle.

Regardless, I am doing my best to comply with the orders of the court. But it looks as though i may fail on this one as well. Because to comply with these new set of rules requires money that i do not have.

The income received from my company usually helps to cover our basic living expenses. Frankly, traveling to California for Court every month, is not included in our basic living expenses. For the last 6 months, I have had to pay 60% of my income towards travel and legal expenses. To do this I have essentially been borrowing from my business to pay our legal expenses unfortunately, its credit card is now at its maximum limit as well. This month, I am juggling vendor payments just to cover my companies Payroll, which is only very minimal because I have asked my staff to reduce their hours.

My financial responsibilities are already very heavy and challenging. My attempts to participate in these activities, appearing in California, for hearing after hearing has continued to stretched my financial situation to the brink of Bankruptcy. And they continue to grow. In addition to these travel expenses I also have to pay the court’s Per Diem Fee of $122.50 and the Sentencing Alternatives Program $250. This does not take into account what income i will be loosing to spend two days traveling instead of working.

Stand and face the problem -

I want to stand strong and face my problems.

My little one is so inspiring. To her, there is not such thing as impossible. For her, there must be a way... I LOVE That kid!

My little one and I went to France as a part of a study abroad program. As a full time student, I had little money. I spent most spare moments and many, many late nights, finishing scholarship applications, writing essays, making arrangements, and researching places to live. While it is not common for single mothers of color to return to school it is almost unheard of for a single mom to take their child around the world for an international education. But we did it. It was hard, but we survived it. That determination is what i now see in my little one.

I realized I set an example for my little one on a daily basis. I want to handle it the best way I know how. And that means NOT handling it alone.

If you think you can help, i would love to hear from you.

How you can help

So i found a web site called pledgie to help with the legal defense fund.




What do you guys think?

Have you ever lost your kid?

imagine waking up in the morning and the house is quite. You roll over, notice that your kid who normally joins you in the middle of the night is not there. You take a deep breath roll out of bed wondering what they have gotten into while your were sleeping. But they are not in their room. You call there name. No response. You walk down the hall, hoping they have not made a mess in the bathroom but they are not there. You call their name again. You go back in your room inspecting it for signs of your child. You wake your spouse. Questioning them about the child. But they are of little help because they were working all night and are comatose. You go back through the house faster as you throw on a sweater.

The house is way too quite. Sprint down to the basement; where you sometimes play. No sign. No response. You race back up stairs, You go out to the garage, calling, screaming your child's name. The other children wake up. Your spouse finally drifts out of sleep and into the realty of a missing child. They go through all of the things you have just done. while you are looking for a pair of shoes to go out side. Your child is two years old and capable of opening doors. You check the doors, try to remember if they were all locked before you just opened them. You run to the corner, looking both ways, you think about knocking on a few neighbors doors but it is a weekday and everyone is at work. You run back home in tears to call the police for help, your baby is missing! The operator on the phone wants you to answer so many questions but you are hysterical...What was he wearing, what does he look like, what is his name, when was the last time you saw him, what is your address?

I was at my brothers house for a few days this trying to escape my own reality. And I observed this happen with his roommates. They have a little boy. He is a bit of a handful. They work retail and late night shifts. To hear this young mother in tears on the phone hardly able to speak over her sobbing; and out side on the lawn crying over the loss of her baby was heart breaking. Within about 15 minutes a police car arrived, escorting a lady and the baby to the house. A lady on her way to work had noticed the two year old walking down the street by himself about an hr ago. Noticing no adults in site, she took him home and called the police. Whew! What is a person supposed to do? The kid is fearless, defiant and only two. This is a two parent family with one child. It is hard to believe it happened.

I am a single mom by choice. In other words I decided to have my daughter on my own, empowered with the knowledge that her father did not want to be in her life. I love her a great deal. I make daily decisions about her safety and step of to the plate to make up for the fact that I am a single parent with the same amount of responsibility as a two parent team. What became clear to me is that having two parents is not THE answer to my challenges.

I realize I have plenty to count my blessings for with my daughter. Her positive temperament, mannerisms, and level headedness are superior to many other young people her age. I just hope that when the day does come that she is not in her room, and has decided to walk out the door alone that she is prepared and equipped with the knowledge of how to handle the great big world we live in.

Why a legal Defense Fund?

The Courts are preparing to change parental custody of my daugher, from me to her "f", in California. I do not agree with this change. I agreed that she needed a different visitation schedule i.e. longer summer break and some holiday time. But I do not agree with the current recommendation that she (almost 8 years old) be the one traveling between states 2-3 times a month. The travel schedule would prevent her from being in a church choir, participating in dance performances or being engaged in either community, and needless to say I believe it would diminish the bond that she and I share. There is no need to uproot her from Colorado.

Currently she visits with her "f" and his family once a month for a weekend. She enjoys her visits, and loves her "f" and his family. She also understands that I do not like him; and that it is o.k. for her to like him even though I do not. In fact I use our relationship as an illustration about dealing with someone even though you do not like them. I make it a goal to support her relationship with her "f". So that she can come to her own conclusions about his personality, morals and values.


$ 10,000 to get a hire a licensed family evaluator to review my daughters environment with me and prepare a recommendation to the court on the best interest of my daughter.
$ 20,000 to hire an attorney in California to represent my case at trial.
$ 2,800 to travel to California for hearings and an extensive trial.